At the begging of spring, I noticed at some point a plant growing in the pot of one of my cacti. It grew next to the window, in a spot where I couldn’t notice it till it was already quite tall. I was thinking to pull it out, but somehow I didn’t feel like doing it. My friend told me it could be a spider plant. Meanwhile, it bloomed! It has pretty white flowers. I will have to find it a new pot ( I think the cactus is not very happy to share the pot), but I will do it after the flowers are gone.
I’m so stressed and busy these days, but the quiet, early evenings in my room, watering my plants, eating chocolate, just relaxing are so nice.
Some mornings, on my way to school, the sky is full of crows. The forest is nearby. I love this view, it’s one of my favorite things.
These days are strange to me, with so much hope and so much doubt in them. Also with a strange connection to my nineteeen year old self, realising that some long forgotten aspects of my psychology stayed the same. I have been before in a similar situation, facing an important exam in which many things are up to me and in many aspects I just need to hope for the best. The outcome was good last time.
Meanwhile, I try not to get overwhelmed, rest and relax and prepare myself to think that my life is good and safe and full of love, no matter what.
My friend Aniko sent me in a letter this beautiful old button. I put it on a chain and I never took it off since I received it.
I really like this time of the year, when tomorrow everything starts anew. I want in 2018 to continue to nurture and grow my friendships and try to hope more and worry less.
Happy New Year!
I’m so busy these days and my mind is scattered between different things I want to do and things I have to do. I carefully manoever between the potentially dangerous thoughts. Meanwhile, it is a beautiful fall, with glourious sunrises and warm light.
I have finally found the time to scan these pinhole photos. I didn’t make so many of them this summer, but I am content with some of these images. There are times of change for me (my school moves to a new location) and my time seems so limited. But more than my limited time, my mental space seems crowded with all sorts of thoughts and worries. But I am hopeful, too, that change is a good thing this time.
The school year is slowly coming to an end (there is only one month left) and even if these last weeks happen to be really busy (with some unpleasant aspects, too) still the thought of the long vacation days at the horizon make everything better.
I didn’t do so good this far on my goals for this year. I planned on reading more literature and on writing more often in my diary or just writing about my thoughts and feelings more. I do write a few lines everyday in my planner, but that is more an account of what I did that day, whom did I saw, what I managed to accomplish, etc with the occasional mention of some more private thoughts. This is quite good for me, to have this routine of writing down a few things about my day, but I miss very much that feeling that you get when you write endlessly in your journal. So freeing and comfortable. It’s not that I wouldn’t have the time to read and write more only for the mere pleasure of doing these things, it’s more that I don’t find anymore the mental space in which to be in order to do them. The interior space in which to quiet down the thoughts about all the stuff that I need to do, about the worries, about all the trivial things from my days, the space in which I’m not constantly refreshing my email, etc. Usually I can find this special state of mind in the train, when I’m traveling during the day and the scenery keeps changing outside my windows. But I don’t travel that often… Sometimes also the rain outside creates a good space for me.
Anyway, during my summer vacation I really hope to read and write more. Also I have the ambitious plan to finish 10 embroideries and 20 drawings. Not sure if this is possible, as both these things take a lot of time for me. But I’ll try.
Meanwhile, I made these two drawings in the last month. They are not big (I used A4 paper) but still they took, I think, around 4 hours each to finish. I used to be much quicker :). I plan on drawing more of these random aspects from our house, some self-portraits and maybe some images of my street and neighborhood, too, like another kind of diary.